I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
