I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Randomize
