the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I don't deserve a penis
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I AM VODKA MAN
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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