worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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