Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
