I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
