Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
