why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Drunk is a universal language darling
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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