Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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