I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
