wake up i wanna do it froggy style
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
