Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
MIDGETS
????
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
