All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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