also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
