wrigley field is MILF paradise
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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