I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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