I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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