never play flip cup with pint glasses
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
