Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
