Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Randomize
