toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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