Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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