i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
