Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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