we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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