a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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