those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
