Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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