somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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