so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
