I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
