so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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