i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
