I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
