So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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