I'm really into asian looking animals
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
