sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
