I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
