i just wanna soil my oats bro
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
