ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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