Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
