the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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