just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
