Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
