Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
