My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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