My room smells like vodka and shame
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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