My boss' voice literally gives me gas
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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