Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
