It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
