Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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