Dude my mom stole all your condoms
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
