My nipple is on Facebook.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
