pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
PANTIES FOUND
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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