I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
