hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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