The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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