People with herpes should wear stickers.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
