ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We had sex on a dog bed..
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
