Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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