im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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