I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Randomize
